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And of course they love traveling and frequent all these crazy places like Iceland and Belize and Egypt and Greece and the rainforests or whatever. I live in North Carolina, 3 hours away from the mountains and 3 hours away from the beach. And how are they getting time off from work to travel all the time, at age 30? Are those the type of characteristics these guys are looking for? She has to be beautiful and adventurous and also love adventure sports like ziplining and whatever the hell, and she also has to love to travel.

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She also has to be ambitious, be smart and successful, be educated and have a great job, be family-oriented, be career-driven, want to have (and, unspoken, take care of) kids, knows how to take care of herself (I can only assume this means that she’s thin and has highlights and gets manicures), be outdoorsy, like to be outside all the time (these are apparently two different things), like to camp and hike, be “active” and work out frequently, did I mention beautiful?

, like all different kinds of foods and be willing to try – AND LIKE, GODDAMNIT – any kind of exotic food, not be pessimistic or complain, be loyal and honest, not be self-conscious about anything (… Do you sincerely think you can find all of this in one person? (Not that you’d be into her, since she’s athletic and toned and probably doesn’t have time for parachuting with all those babies in tow.) It’s this bad, and I haven’t even been on a date yet.

you’re helping), know who she is and what she wants, and, my ultimate favorite, ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. Have you considered the fact that you are on because this is what you’re holding out for?!

First of all, these guys check off “slender” as the body type for their match… Look for a girl who doesn’t mind that you (apparently) want to go off ziplining, but who might want to lay in the sunshine and read a book while you do.

they rarely check off “athletic and toned.” But you want someone who does these adventure sports and plays sports too and works out every day? And how are you going to find someone who is career-driven and is family-oriented and is beautiful who also has time to play sports as an adult and like hike around all the time and wrestle alligators? I do know girls who do that kind of stuff, but believe me most of them do not meet all these other criteria, including having the hot model appearance you desire. I don’t think you want this type of girl, if she even exists, because then she’d be too intimidating and you’d feel like she was overshadowing you and better than you at the things you do, and lord knows that would be a problem. (To work on that tan you demand, obviously.) Or pick, say, two of the major things you’re looking for.

Like, she has to be adventurous and beautiful, but it’s okay if she’s a waitress.

The prophet tells us, “Your old will have visions; your young will dream dreams.” Elderly women in a retirement community in Mill Valley protested the war in Iraq on a busy thoroughfare with placards every Friday for years. But one dream coming true doesn’t mean you give up on other lifelong dreams.

A man I know of 22, halfway to a medical degree, is pursuing ballet dreams in New York City. You’re not dream-greedy to want, say, a cool career and a mate.

I’m turning 30 in a few months, and I recently realized I’m now at the age I made a lot of promises about in the past.

One of those promises was that if I was still single at 30, I’d try online dating.

I’ve had an onslaught of terrible dating experiences in the last year (including someone who turned out to be a drug dealer, someone who was mad I didn’t want to come hang out at his bedbug-infested apartment, and a commitment-phobe friend who constantly appears to be doing an uncanny Jekyll and Hyde impression). (Wow.) There’s no end to what I could write about my experiences on, and I’ve only been on the site for a week.


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