Guys get a bad rap for being brazen about all things related to sex, but when it comes to talking dirty, shyness is the biggest barrier to giving it a shot—and seriously enhancing your bonding time in the bedroom.
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If you’re feeling shy about bringing up the subject, Berman advises starting out with something like this: “Hey, I was thinking about talking dirty and wanted to know if that’s something you’re game to try.” If she says yes, proceed slowly with something along the lines of, “Awesome, I’m so excited you’re into that. (And trust us—doing your homework will pay off in the end.) Ask her what she’d like to hear.
If she’s shy in her responses, gauge her comfort level by running through words and phrases that could come up in future conversations. “It’s really a matter of knowing who you’re talking dirty with and making sure everyone is on the same page.
Remember that there’s no magic formula for R-rated dialogue—one woman may be repulsed by a certain word, while another woman will be all about it. Because once you go through the vocabulary, you can really cut loose and have fun.”Get inspired We get it—the hardest part about talking dirty isn’t getting your girlfriend’s permission, it’s coming up with what to say.
If you need ideas, erotic literature is a good place to start.
Berman suggests checking out author Nancy Friday’s collection of men’s and women’s sexual fantasies.
And don’t be afraid to make research a joint activity: “Whether it’s female-friendly erotica or an X-rated magazine like Penthouse Forum, dive into a read with her to find out what scenarios and lines turn her on,” suggests Dr. Fulbright, sexologist and Sexual Wellness and Relationship Ambassador for Astroglide.
“Ask what she’d be up for recreating or what she would like to hear you say.”If books, movies, and magazines just aren’t doing it for you, try this no-fail tactic: “Describe what you’re doing or what you want to do,” suggests Berman.
“That tends to be 90 percent of what people do when they’re talking dirty.”Ease into the explicit, every time Even if she’s more than down to try some dirty talk, that’s not your cue to go full steam ahead.
“Don't just dive into dropping the ‘f-bomb’ or getting nasty,” says Fulbright.
“Start by titillating her with tamer words, getting a feel for the mood she's in and just how far she wants for things to go.”Keep her guessing “Whether you’re caught up in the moment or simply lacking creativity, saying the same thing over and over again can make sex feel more like a porn flick and less like a ‘we’ moment,” notes Fulbright.
Her advice: Stay present and make sure you’ve got plenty of erotic words and phrases to choose from.